I recently moved into a new apartment,
and as such unearthed my Tarot cards the other night. I was in the
mood for a reading, so I did one for my roommate, and then she
returned the favor. I shuffled and dealt my deck into a Celtic Cross
spread and then she interpreted for me. While shuffling, I thought of
my emotional life in general. The results were spot on, per usual. It
always amazes me. I get frustrated doing self readings [or having
readings done for me] because they rarely give me any future sight;
it always makes me face the aspects of my life that I don't want to
acknowledge and rather than giving a future/outcome look, it's
usually like, “LOOK Liz- REFLECT. THINK about your shit and check
in with yourself.” Yeah. My cards basically tell me this is what
you're dealing with, so deal with it. And yet, I still love that
feeling of “Damn. They're right. That is what I'm freaking dealing
with.” I love the little shivers that go up my arms and the pangs
my heart feels when the cards hit the nail on the head, even when it
hurts.
Here goes:
* * *
Heart of the Matter: Knight of Wands
Reversed
“Be careful with your decisions.
Don't do something you'll regret.” Basically, it's a fairly
turbulent time in my life right now, and something's holding me back.
AKA- I'm out of the breakup but life's still kinda shaken up from
that. I'm starting to put the pieces of my life together, but he
still exerts some control over my emotions which have a decent part
in the control of my life.
“Don't stay rooted in a career that
doesn't work for you anymore.” I'd been looking for a new job for a
while now, and just accepted a new job yesterday. I'm putting in my
two weeks in the morning, and new sights ahead. It's played a huge
part in my emotional stability lately.
“Where a romantic possibility exists,
avoid getting involved too quickly.” Story of my dating life. I
typically fall for people easily and I'm a hopeless romantic, so I
usually rush in to relationships and latch on right away. I'm usually
a girlfriend at heart. But I've been learning I need my
single/non-commital time and that's been a bit of a struggle. Lately
I've been able to distance myself more easily, but the guys are still
attaching quickly and wanting more than I can provide at this
particular time in my life...
* * *
Opposing Factors: Queen of Swords
Reversed
“Be strong, but not too strong!” I
need to assert my independence more. [Duh.] Again, this goes along
with the whole 'I need to figure my own shit out before I commit to
other people' thing.
The relationship part I'm just gonna
quote directly from the book, since it's so freaking accurate. “If
a relationship is part of your focus at this time, you need to make
sure you are involved for all the right reasons. You might be afraid
of getting involved, fearful that by giving your heart you will give
up the independence you so greatly prize.” Yup. Basically.
Also- “If you are feeling unloved, it is easy to mask your feelings with coldness.” I recently had a minor falling out with a good friend [I don't even know that falling out is the right word... They upset me, I over-reacted, I apologized, and no response as of yet... but... I don't know that we're completely done, either...] But basically, I was cold to them that day when they bailed on me... It was my past biting me in the ass, hitting me hard, and I couldn't handle it. I felt unloved, I felt deceived, and I felt led on. And when that type of thing happens to me, I shut down. I go Ice Bitch on people [even those not involved], and I'm just in a period of time where that might happen. A lot.
* * *
Foundation/Root Cause: Nine of Swords
Reversed
“Deal with it.” Lover is not meant
to be a savior. Focusing on the negatives. Isolation. Obsessive
fears.
Basically, in my past, especially in my
past relationship and in my depressions, I've focused a LOT on the
negative- how things will go wrong, what is wrong, and I've distanced
myself from those that care about me.
Pretty spot on in regards to my past
few years.
* * *
What I Already Know: King of Cups
“Master your emotions.”
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As in, I already know I need to do
that/have known for a ridiculous amount of time now.
“Now it is important that you view
your life as a work of art and your art as a work of life” -
beautiful quote in the interpretation of the card in my book. I
shouldn't repress my emotions, but rather examine them.
As a future therapist, I obviously am a
very caring, compassionate person... but I've often let those
characteristics take over me, rendering me useless and a crying,
emotional mess. This card also kinda goes along with “Say what you
need to say,” something I've been trying to live by lately. I need
to examine what I'm feeling, why, and deal with it.
* * *
Past Influences: Eight of Pentacles
Reversed
I let my perfectionism block me from my
progress. I can see how this affected my life in SOOOO many ways, but
I'll only focus on one or two that I feel comfortable sharing with
the interwebs. Basically, same as Nine of Swords, Rev.... I let
myself be bogged down in the negatives rather than focusing on the
positives, and it really impacted my own mood/demeanor, as well as my
depressions. There were things I couldn't [and, honestly, still
can't] accomplish because I'm too caught up in the “wrongs” of it
all.
* * *
Near Influences: Nine of Cups
All about wishes. [I've determined from
this card, I need to be vigilant with my 11:11pm wishes now haha. And
precise.]
Basically, wishes will be coming true.
[and I suppose it's already begun. I got a new job, I got my dream
apartment... etc]. Enjoy the blessings.
What a relief. =]
* * *
Myself [How I see things right now]:
Judgment Reversed
Thin-skinned and defensive. Harsh
assessment from others.
“You could find yourself having to
deal with criticism from a former lover, and as a result you might be
uncomfortable or unhappy for a while.” I recently found out just
how “over” my relationship was. The love is gone. It's not quite
criticism, as the book phrased it, but it almost felt like it. It was
a blow to the chest, and I'm learning how to deal with that.
“You should forgive yourself for
falling short of your own expectations.” 'Nough said.
“You feel you were indecisive and
didn't rise to a challenge correctly. Berating yourself for mistakes
you might have made can undercut your self-esteem.” Aka, how I feel
about my last relationship. Again, enough said.
* * *
Surrounding Environment: Seven of
Swords Reversed
I saw this card as the influence others
are trying to have on me. Essentially, STOP BEING SO BOGGED DOWN IN
THE NEGATIVE. Improve the negative self-image. I'm my own worst
enemy.
* * *
Guidance: Knight of Pentacles
“Plant seeds for the future.” Work
hard. Be patient. Be trustworthy. Set your sights on the goal and git
'er done. Act responsibly.
Establish a routine; find where I am
comfortable and stick with it.
My roommate interpreted it further [and
more fitting], though I don't currently remember what else she
said... I'll have to ask tomorrow night.
* * *
Outcome: Ten of Wands Reversed
“Define your goals!”
Basically, I need to figure out what
the HELL I want right now. “You might feel emotionally impotent,
unable to act in your best interests, overwhelmed by the many
commitments you have made.” “You are expecting too much of
yourself, yet resenting the demands that are made on you.” Even
though I've made it clear I can't make decisions on certain emotional
aspects right now, I feel like I have to. And it's ridiculously
freaking frustrating.
“A pattern from your past could be
influencing your relationships in a negative way.” No shit.
* * *
Overall, what was learned? I NEED TO
LET GO OF THE PAST. [Somehow.] I NEED TO EXAMINE MYSELF, FIGURE OUT
WHAT I WANT, WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR. I NEED TO LET GO OF THE PAST AND
THE NEGATIVE, AND FOCUS ON THE NEW AND THE GOOD IN MY LIFE. Because
my life, and me, are good. There's so much freaking potential and I
need to trust in that.
