NaPoWriMo - April 19. #bostonstrong

I know I've fallen far behind. But I'll continue to post as I write.

Today's came from self-care, coping, and processing of what is going on in Boston. It's been tough, as all of my classmates [whom I consider dear friends] live in the area... My aunt lives minutes away from where the action is going down in Watertown. And I just learned that the 8 year old who died from the Marathon bombings was my high school history teacher's nephew. It's been an unbelievable week and I don't even know how to process what has been happening. I never expected to have any connection to something like this, and though I didn't know the 8yo boy... To find out I was even remotely connected [two degrees of separation?!]... It's been overwhelming.  I have spent the past week living in fear, anxiety, and constant near-panic attack mode.

So... yeah. Here's my drabble, written off the title prompt, "train."

.train

tumbleweeds of silence drift through our streets as eyes peek through curtain cracks.

i can hear the hearts pounding, ragged breaths and racing thoughts from my distant safe haven. my own panic shadows all else as i watch trains not traveling, tracks empty and stations deserted.

i'd never thought of this as my home, never been a city girl. but now- this is my home turf. and we're coming for you.

and trains that stopped travel on in my head, running between boston and me, my thoughts commuting as prayers reach hello to my neighbors- trapped, peeking from behind curtains.

NaPoWriMo - April 8, Overall Poem #6

the development of a group

i'm finding courage

     in that silence of vulnerability

     that safety in its sacredness

i'm finding courage

     to transform

     from that cathartic push

i'm finding courage

     in my roles, in my dynamics

     in processing perceptions

and i will reject my fears

     in favor of self-learning,

     in favor of growth

i have the courage,

     and i am found.

NaPoWriMo - April 8, AprilPoem #5

still a very rough draft, but:

ten years

your world changes

hormones to finances

brain and body growing,

growing dreams

growing anxieties

growing life

your world unfathomable

unpredictable

unrestricted, once-

dreams haven't changed,

but evolved

fine-tuned due to

need for survival;

are they dreams

or plans,

maps to the next

ten years

NaPoWriMo, April 7

...Yeahhhh, I know I'm a few days behind. I'm gonna try to catch up, but in the meantime:

Sinking Ships

She circles the world
traveling slowly,
surely arriving - but when?
the passengers wonder -
food always runs low
and uncounted days disappear.
They arrive and depart again -
but what has been lost
along the way?
On and on it goes,
the captain mourning
as she recognizes deterioration
until finally
it sinks below
a lone journey
eventually halting at sea's bottom.

Captain escapes, swimming
upward, upward
anxiety rising as oxygen plummets
questioning - will I make it
in time?

Life preserver leaves her afloat
and she breaks through to air
gasping
exposed
lost.

She can find her way ashore
build a new boat and move along
sturdier, faster, stronger -
Captain learns, and grows.

But she knows-
you go down with your ship
and it haunts her.

So every often, she voyages down
salvaging what she can to rebuild
from the wreckage,
transforming and adapting.

Always -
her stomach sinks on the long path down
and she wonders if it's worth it;
on the rise up, breaking away from sad memories
she wonders if she'll make it.

NaPoWriMo - Day 3!

things I love

I love that instant

in which people actually listen -

not just with ears

but with their whole selves

- bodies, minds, spirits

full witnesses to your need to be heard

I love the unexpected kindness of strangers

the faith they place in your humanity

your inherent sense of good and bad

and your willingness to pay it forward

the appreciation in the air when that smile

finally wakens your face

I love when that someone close to you

knows exactly what you need

and when, and why, and how

and comes through at just the right instant

without questioning

they just do it so that they know

you'll be fine

I love when the pieces align

snapping together in that satisfying crunch

reminders that things work out

--- time, time, and time again

when you feel outside yourself

observing from the stars above

applauding life from the heaven

yet never having felt more aware

of what transpires within

I love when I can finally hear it -

not just with my ears

but with my heart and soul

and accept what's been said

without questioning

because I know it's true

somehow

and it's okay to give into ego

once in awhile

and recognize my own worth.

NaPoWriMo, Apr. 2

Sooo, this doesn't technically count as a poem (at least I don't think so?), but my goal was really just to get writing every day, so IT COUNTS.

Anyway. The prompt I was going off of was "grey space." The structure was a drabble. "Drabble" structure means 100 words, no more no less. [Not including title].

Working title for now is just the prompt, though ideally I'll think of something later.


.grey space

If a tree falls but no one hears,

I find myself in the space between, just after eyelashes meet and before you rub the sleep dust away.

does it make a sound?

I find myself gone. I am nowhere but in this grey space, and I beg you to reappear. You open your eyes and see me, and I am reborn.

Where do we go

I find myself lost in your mind – safe yet longing for solid ground.

when we are not seen?

I would rather be next to you. I don't want to go.

So please: don't blink.

NaPoWriMo - Day 1

I know I usually use this as my Tarot blog, but I'm also gonna use this, for now, as my archives for my first attempt at NaPoWriMo. Starting off strong:

Midnight in Memoriam

Remember when the moon was high

or maybe that was just us,

reminiscing about the stars lost

to hookah

city fog

exhaust

your body

little fires tingling along my skin

and I remember how I knew you were looking at me

though I could see nothing but your chest

because I could feel the stare

your breathing slowing, heavy

warm against my forehead

tickling me with my own wisps

Remember the infinitude

the vastness of life

of air

of the night

when our voices did not break

but melded in to the songs already sung

softly humming

I love you

and I remember how I couldn't

(well, still can't)

get enough of your collarbone

because I could care less about abs

but mmmmmm,

those strong lines tightening up

shoulders squared and I knew

you could carry me through anything

Remember when my roommate told us

it sounded fun

you laughed

I blushed

and we turned back around

'cause who cared if the headboard

squealed just as loud as me

and I remember how you picked me up

time and time again

when the fog grew too heavy

and you found me

when I couldn't find my own way

out of my head

my thoughts

my doubts

and each time you added signs

for easier travels

so I could learn my way back

Remember when you met me

and saved me from some guy

and pretended not to fall

and I remember playing along

telling myself it wouldn't happen

and pretending not to fall

Remember when you confessed

drunk yet sincere

and I remember when I curled closer

feeling all the more in sync.

-Maggie E. Rollins

 April 1, 2013